Tuesday, February 2, 2010

T.G.I. Friday’s


I know what your thinking, why the hell is the Denver Food Snob at TGI Friday's? Occasionally you find yourself in an office situation where a group of colleagues drag you to a horrible chain restaurant known not for its food but for the iconic appearances it makes in our movies. How much flair do you wear?

Yes, occasionally you find yourself in these situations not by choice but more of a strategy of keeping friends and participating in major society. Of course, as a known food snob in the office, someone in the group will ask "What if you were totally surprised and it was awesome?". Everyone knows you can't slap tomato sauce on cardboard and expect a pizza. The same applies in an industry known for using sub-par processed ingredients. The chances of a great tasting plate coming out of the TGIF kitchen are as likely as Jesus showing up on my toasted hamburger bun. Nil. 
In a place that worships the trifecta of fat, sugar and salt you can expect only one thing, sensory overload at a level usually served by drug dealers and not a great tasting plate served by a teenager dressed in red and white stripes.

So what do you order in this situation? You order something simple and safe.
Safe, you ask?
Yes, safe.
In this situation I'm trying to survive eating the food not trying to survive the type of situation with the potential to turn a work lunch in to a social disaster which ends with branding one of your coworkers a life long nick name. After reading "Eating Animals " I'm actually afraid for my life because of the commonly found bacteria in the beef supply produced by the meat industry used in these chains. Have you seen where your meat comes from ?
After careful consideration I order the "New" Big Mex Burger.
"Is medium-well fine?" She asks me.
"Cook the shit out of it." I think to myself.
My fate now resides in the kitchen.

Thinking that a burger might have more flavor because of the added Mexican ingredients may have been a pipe dream on my part but it was the adjective "New" in front of the burger name that really intrigued me. Why not get the latest creation from the food geniuses of the Casual Dining Industry and be "wowed" as my colleague suggested?

When the plates arrived I took two solid bites before getting a taste of my burger. It had a vague resemblance of a Cinco de Mayo I spent in a TGIF in the Spring of 1989. You know the kind, lots of care free fun that ended with an epic hangover . There's was nothing memorable to taste in this burger except the carcinogenic flavors of their beef. The melted jack, black bean & corn pico de gallo, lettuce and spicy chipotle mayo that really brings the texture to a mash potato like crescendo. Occasionally you find the taste of a vegetable but mainly experience the burnt tasting beef in a mushy goodness greased by spicy chipotle mayo.
I was totally surprised all right. But not in a good way. In the process of cooking this masterpiece they somehow removed the flavor instead of enhancing it. Unless of course the flavor was never there to begin with but where do you find food  like that?

I had to take out the gem of this dish, the pablano chili, and taste it on its own to see where its flavor had gone. I thought it was a real chili but had to confirm it with a clean taste. Yes, if you try real hard, you can taste a chili but not like one you would find off Federal Blvd during hatch season. This was more like a steamed green bell pepper.

The fries were mushy and devoid of taste sans the special seasoning they shake across them like a powdered doughnut.

When I asked a colleague at the table what he thought of his dish, he responded with 
"Well its big, got lots of stuff and bacon. I like it." He said with a smile.
Notice how taste was third on the list of how he rates his dish. What is wrong with America when someone rates their dish on how full it makes them and not how it tastes?

As we walked out the door I heard many of them say "I'm so full." and yet I was feeling empty inside. My stomach was in pain but somehow I remember tasting nothing. This kind of eating is about substance not taste and just like the reality tv show, Jersey Shore , you get no redeeming value but you can't stop watching it.

No comments:

Post a Comment